


BTS: Bangtan Koukou Host Club

by KingOfHearts709



Series: Bangtan Koukou Host Club [1]
Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Humour, Jeongguk-centric, LMAO, M/M, Multi, OHSHC AU, Other, and by minor i mean m a j o r, bts as ohshc is the plot, but not really, fantasy dream, host club, its fueling me up for the real deal later on, its kinda just crack, the plot is literally just ohshc with some minor fixes, this is going to be entirely jeongguk-centric btw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2018-11-20 02:25:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11326710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingOfHearts709/pseuds/KingOfHearts709
Summary: Jeongguk's reality is severely warped.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm planning on writing a BTS OHSHC fic in the future, and this is just to fuel it and get me started. It's mostly crack and just messes around with the first episode's plot.
> 
> For reference on who's who:  
> Tamaki - Seokjin  
> Kyoya - Namjoon  
> Huni - Hoseok  
> Mori - Yoongi  
> Kaoru - Jimin  
> Hikaru - Taehyung  
> Haruhi - Jeongguk
> 
> Yes, it matters which twin is which (personally I love Hikaru between them both, but Kyoya beats all of them anyways). Also Namjoon is my bias and wow, this worked awesomely. Also, I used, 'Koukou,' in the story title just 'cause I can. Even though it's not even Korean, it's Japanese and that just makes everything more confusing, doesn't it?  
> I'm going to shut up now. Enjoy this mesh of words ahead. xoxo

Jeongguk thinks he might just be going the tiniest bit crazy.

Scratch that. He is crazy. Either that, or dreaming. Because he walks into the dorm and suddenly, it’s not the dorm.

“Welcome,” a chorus of familiar voices greet him and he presses himself against the closed front door and freezes up.

What’s in front of him, essentially, are his friends lined up in an almost harem-like way, dressed in matching red outfits despite being in their dorm, all with matching grins. The dorm, even, doesn’t look the same. All the furniture has been seemingly removed and replaced with tables, as many as could fit in the place.

Also, did Jeongguk mention that someone threw actual cherry blossoms in his face? Because that happened, too.

“W-What’s going on?” he asks tentatively, and Seokjin frowns.

“It’s a boy, boss,” Jimin speaks up.

“What do we do about that?” Taehyung adds. Jeongguk furrows his brows, but doesn’t quite have a chance to respond when Seokjin is right up in his face and business, giving him a curious look.

“Well, what brings you here, then?” he asks, sultry voice smoothing over Jeongguk’s body and Jeongguk is really confused now.

“Hyung, what the hell is going on?” he asks, and Seokjin hums, standing back up straight. Since when was he so tall?

“Where have you been, under a rock?” Taehyung asks.

“We’re the Host Club,” Jimin joins, and the two walk in perfect sync towards him, tilting their heads and smirking.

“I think he has been under a rock.”

“I think he needs to be introduced.”

“I am so confused right now,” Jeongguk muses out loud, and it’s Namjoon that finally speaks normally. But his tone says business more than anything, and he leaves Jeongguk with more questions than answers.

“His name is Jeon Jeongguk,” Namjoon states, reading off a clipboard through a pair of what must be fake glasses, but he acts as if they’re real. “He’s definitely smart and well-mannered, but he’s younger than every single one of us. Taehyung and Jimin are the closest to him in age.”

“What...,” Jeongguk hums, widening his eyes. “Why are you guys acting like you don’t know who I am?” Then he blinks and shakes his head. “Uh-uh. No way. I’m out, bye.” And he turns to the front door.

Outside doesn’t even look the same as it did before.

And when he turns back, neither does the inside.

Suddenly, the room is much bigger and everything is covered in a soft light, a few red couches adorning some space. Jeongguk glances back towards the outside and it looks more like a school than anything.

Jeongguk is falling into insanity.

“Hey, Jeongguk-ah!” someone yells at him, and he turns to see Hoseok running towards him. He looks so small, Jeongguk thinks. Had he always been this short? “You want to go and eat some cake with me?”

“C-Cake?” Jeongguk hums out, raising an eyebrow. And suddenly, he’s sat at a table and staring at a strawberry cake in front of him.

“Hoseok-ah,” another voice says, and Yoongi is behind Hoseok with the most stoic expression Jeongguk’s ever seen. “Don’t force him.” Hoseok just giggles - yeah, he giggles - and continues on with his own cake.

“So, Jeongguk,” Seokjin speaks up, whisking said boy away once again and twirling him in a circle that makes him dizzy. “What kind of guy do you like?”

“W-What?” Jeongguk asks, loudly and incredulously.

“Namjoon, the cool type. Hoseok, the lolita-type. Taehyung and Jimin, the devilish type. Yoongi, the strong and silent type. Or maybe,” Seokjin leans far too close to Jeongguk’s face for his liking, “you like the handsome prince type?”

“Please stop,” Jeongguk says, closing his eyes and pulling away. “I must be going insane.”

“No more insane than your outfit choice,” Taehyung and Jimin join in simultaneously. “Where do you shop, the dumpster?” Jeongguk self-consciously pulls at his hooded baggy jacket and ripped jeans. His Timberlands even feel a little subpar despite them being his best shoes.

“The two are right, Jeongguk,” Namjoon agrees. “Even if you are an honour student, that doesn’t mean you have to dress like you’re different from the rest of us.”

“He’s probably so poor he can’t afford a school uniform,” Taehyung says, finger in the air.

“I wouldn’t doubt it, either, he’s just a commoner,” Jimin agrees, copying Taehyung. It seems like the two don’t often go without speaking one after the other.

“What the hell is going on?” Jeongguk finally yells, and the six elders stop. “What do you mean uniforms, and how can I be an honour student? I don’t go to school!”

“But of course you do, Jeongguk,” Namjoon says, and walks forward to show Jeongguk a sheet of paper with various information about Jeongguk and his unbelievably good marks. To Bangtan Academy. “You were the chosen one from your middle school. You applied all by yourself and everything.”

“W-When did I do that?”

“During your last year of middle school, of course.” Middle school? Jeongguk had gone to middle school years ago. “Despite Taehyung and Jimin being mildly older than you, you are in the same grade. The same way Hoseok and I are a year above you, and Yoongi and Seokjin are two years above.”

Jeongguk’s head is swimming and he drowns in the information.

“So, what brings you to the Host Club, Jeongguk-ah?” Hoseok asks curiously. “I never would have thought you liked guys instead of girls!”

“I-I don’t-” Jeongguk starts, but as he steps back, he smacks straight into something that he definitely should have been avoiding.

Namely, a vase. That crashes to the ground into a million tiny little pieces.

“Aw, look what you’ve done now!” Taehyung pipes up. “We were going to sell that vase for over ten million won!”

“Now it’s been broken into a bunch of pieces,” Jimin frowns. “It was such a nice piece, too!”

“T-Ten million...won?” Jeongguk stutters out. Even if he thinks he may be dreaming, ten million won is a lot of money. More money than Jeongguk’s ever heard of something being worth.

“Do you even have the money to pay for that, Jeonggukie?” Hoseok asks, and he crawls up Yoongi’s back and Yoongi carries him over to survey the broken ceramic. “It’s a whole lot of money.”

“I-I...,” Jeongguk murmurs, trying to count out in his head how many notes that would even be and he turns. “I’m going to have to pay you back...”

“With what money?” Namjoon chuckles. “Can’t even afford a uniform.”

“U-Um...” It’s so sudden that Jeongguk just lets himself be pulled into the fantasy that is where he is. “I don’t have any...money.”

“Well, then, it looks like you’re in quite the predicament,” Seokjin says, and steps forward, suddenly all business and no fun. “And I think I have a great way for you to pay us back.”

“Pay you back?”

“Of course, with you, your body, and your charms!”

Jeongguk wants to die.

“My body?” he asks, and Seokjin chuckles somewhat villainously.

“You’ll be our servant boy. Our little commoner dog!”

Jeongguk really wants to die.

“A...dog...?”

“Boss, I don’t think he can do that,” Taehyung says, and walks forward, tilting his head. “I mean, he can’t wear these clothes, at least, he needs to...” Taehyung trails off when he slips Jeongguk’s jacket past his arms and reveals the thin white tank top and his muscles are flexing underneath. It seems the rest of them pause, too, and almost immediately, Taehyung slips the hood off of Jeongguk’s head.

“Would you stop that?” Jeongguk huffs. “It was really cold today, give me my jacket back.” All in one motion, Seokjin snaps his fingers.

“Namjoon, get me a hairstylist,” he orders, and Namjoon already has a phone out and clicks away. “Taehyung and Jimin, go find a uniform in Jeongguk’s size. Yoongi, go set up a separate table just for Jeongguk to use.” The three stated run off, and Hoseok runs towards Seokjin.

“What about me?” he asks, excitement in his eyes.

“Hoseok-hyung,” he says, and Hoseok nods, “go ahead and eat.” Hoseok ends up sulking alone in the corner with cake.

In about twenty minutes, Jeongguk finds himself in a school uniform matching those of his hyungs, sitting at a table of his own, with a new haircut that accentuates his face better than before.

“Starting today, Jeonggukie,” Seokjin smiles, and Jeongguk widens his eyes, “you are a host of the Bangtan Koukou Host Club!” He blinks.

He is not alive.

“Is he okay?” Hoseok asks curiously, and Jeongguk thinks maybe he’s turned pale with fear.

“Jeongguk, can you hear us?” Taehyung hums out, and Jimin waves a hand in front of his face.

It’s strange, how the scene before him starts to warp and fade.

“Jeongguk!”

Jeongguk shoots up from where he’s sat at the table of the dorm and Seokjin is eyeing him curiously. He blinks and looks around, his laptop in front of him displaying Ouran High School Host Club on full display, the episode having paused probably when his head fell on the spacebar as he passed out.

“Hyung,” he hums, and Seokjin laughs at him.

“You need to stop watching anime so late,” Seokjin laughs at him. “Come on, we have rehearsal in a half hour. Get ready.” And Seokjin leaves Jeongguk there, questioning his reality and existence.

“What...,” he hums to himself, and pushes thoughts out of his head.

All a dream. Thank God.

He goes to his closet to find his workout clothes for rehearsal. As he rummages through, his hand brushes across a red jacket. Cherry blossom petals fall from it and he jumps back.

And he briefly thinks that maybe it wasn’t a dream in the first place.


	2. Starting Today, You Are A Host!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeongguk meets the Bangtan Koukou Host Club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, look, I was planning on just making every part its own chapter, but then I decided, "Nah," so I'm chaptering this bitch.  
> This shit took me forever to write because I had to accommodate for the fact that Jeongguk is an actual guy in this universe and not like how Haruhi is a girl that pretends to be a guy (though don't we all know she's very, very non-binary?).  
> Anyways, I have no idea if or when I will ever update this, but whatever. I'm just watching the series and rewriting it with BTS instead. Basically.  
> Okay, bye. xoxo

There are a lot of things Jeongguk doesn’t mind. For one, cheap, on-sale items. For two, a good education.

However, he  _ does _ mind God damn rich people.

The library is booked up. Nowhere to study in silence, and he can’t exactly go all the way back home and study there. So, he wanders among the staircases.

“This better have been worth it...,” he hums to himself. “Wonder if Eomma’s proud of me.”

He finds that the other study rooms and libraries are also full of students not actually  _ studying,  _ so he continues to wander. For too long, might he add.

“The last room...,” he mumbles, opening up the door to the third music room. He’s heard rumours of it just never being used, and if that’s the case, it’s the perfect place to go over his studies in silence.

However...

_ “Welcome.” _

It’s strange how when he opens the door, cherry blossoms fly at his face and he’s suddenly against the door and mildly terrified.

“Weird,” one of the six people say. “I can’t tell if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“I wonder which it is,” another joins in. “It really could be either.”

“Nonsense!” yet another yells, and jumps, practically lunges, towards Jeongguk. “If they’re here, they’re a guest, and we please any and all who come through this door.”

“W-What...,” Jeongguk mumbles, suddenly feeling _ very _ small in his baggy hooded jacket and somehow less smart despite his large, chunky glasses. “B-But this is a music room...”

“What brings you here?” the boy who had lunged for him asks. He’s got brownish hair that cascades across his forehead and a grin that’s just on the verge of suggestive, plump lips and an brown-eyed eye-smile. “Lost your way, perhaps?”

“What is this place?” Jeongguk finds himself asking despite barely being able to think. “Who are you people?”

“You’re Jeon Jeongguk, correct?” someone asks, and Jeongguk tilts his head to see a boy (who really looks more like a man than a boy) peering at him through a pair of square glasses, dyed purple hair swept across his head. “The honour student?”

“Wow, you’re an  _ honour student?” _ another boy speaks up, and Jeongguk eyes wander to yet another student who’s in astonishment, with orange hair and bright eyes. “You must be really, really smart!”

“They are, in fact,” the purple-haired agrees. “Top of their class from middle school. In fact, I believe they’re in the same class as you two, Taehyung and Jimin.” The said two widen their eyes.

“Oh, so _ that’s _ why we recognise them!” one says, sporting red hair.

“No wonder they seem so familiar!” the other says, and that’s when Jeongguk notices they’re nearly identical, everything twinning except their faces. The two tilt their heads to the side simultaneously in curiousity.

“Are they real twins...,” Jeongguk asks himself out loud before he remembers that first boy is still close in his vicinity and he slinks away. “Sorry, I should go-”

_ “Jeonggukkie!” _ the orange-haired boy yells, and yanks on his arm. “Don’t leave yet! You should eat some snacks!”

“Snacks-” And again, Jeongguk is unable to respond because he’s pulled away to a table and a piece of cake is shoved his way.

“Do you like chocolate?” the boy asks, and Jeongguk shrugs. “Well, that’s okay. You can have it. I have strawberry anyways!” Jeongguk quirks an eyebrow and freezes when the last boy, who hasn’t spoken yet, goes over to the orange-haired. He sports silver - almost completely white - hair and a stoic expression.

“Hoseok,” he says, and the orange-haired turns. “You’re making a mess.”

“Oh,” Hoseok says, then giggles and pats the boy’s shoulder as he cleans Hoseok’s area. “Thanks, Yoongi-hyung!” Yoongi hums and stands back up straight.

“Weird...,” Jeongguk finds himself saying.

“So, why  _ are _ you here?” another voice says, and Jeongguk turns to see the insane leader of them all. “I never would have thought an honour student like yourself would be so interested in a bunch of good-looking boys.”

“What?” Jeongguk protests. “I just needed a place to study!” He stands up and huffs, going to the door. “I need to clear my head.”

“Oh, don’t go yet,” the red-haired duo says, blocking the way. “We haven’t even started the fun yet!” They smile slyly and Jeongguk turns away from them.

“I’m not  _ interested _ in having any fun with you,” he mumbles harshly. “Who are you guys, anyways? What’s with the cherry blossoms and everything?”

“This is the Bangtan Koukou Host Club,” the purple-haired states. “Seokjin-hyung is the leader of it all. The king.”

“Namjoon!” Seokjin says, and grins wide. “You really think I’m the king?” He taps his fingers together and Namjoon simply adjusts his glasses.

“A H-Host Club?” Jeongguk stutters. “This is a high school!” He takes a step back. “All of you are  _ crazy!” _

“Tell me, Jeongguk,” Seokjin says, and slinks forward again, apparently not listening to the boy at all and too wrapped up in himself to care, “just what kind of guy do you like? The cool type?” Namjoon straightens up. “The lolita type?” Hoseok waves. “The devilish type?” The two twins smirk. “Or the strong, silent type?” Yoongi glances over and tilts his head.

In actuality, Jeongguk can’t wrap his head around the fact that there are so many Japanese influences in this area of Korea. For God’s sake, the school is called Bangtan  _ Koukou  _ Academy.

“W-Well...,” Jeongguk hums out and steps back even more.

“Or maybe,” Seokjin grins, and leans down to get close to Jeongguk’s face, “you like princely types like me?” Jeongguk’s face goes as entirely red as the uniform all six boys are wearing, even as red as the twins’ hair.

“I don’t...,” he says and takes one more step back.

It’s a wrong move, because his elbow jerks back and hits something. And it’s definitely something he should have avoided hitting.

He turns and reaches out a hand to grab at the ceramic vase that starts to fall. His fingers are just barely out of reach and it crashes to the ground in a heap of blue and white glass.

“Oh, look what you’ve done now!” one of the twins says, going behind Jeongguk and looking at the mess below.

“That was going to go on the auction for eight billion won!” the other claims, and Jeongguk freezes.

“Eight..billion...won?” he says to himself brokenly, and starts to count on his fingers. “How much money is that? How many millions in a billion?” He turns and says with a cracked voice, “I might just have to pay you back...”

“With what money?” Namjoon asks.

“You can’t even afford a uniform!” the twins add.

“Jeongguk just had an accident,” Seokjin says, and sits down, suddenly radiating business. “Furthermore, they can’t pay us back in full.”

“B-But-” Jeongguk tries, yet he’s cut off and he wants to say he has a feeling about what’s to come next.

“Since you can’t pay, you’ll work,” Seokjin continues. “You can pay with your body and your effort, and from now on...,” Seokjin points to Jeongguk, “you will be the Host Club’s  _ dog!” _

Jeongguk doesn’t know if he can handle this.

 

The next time Jeongguk is in the club, he’s coming back from buying coffee. And a bunch of other things. Which he doesn’t think is fair if he has to buy it all out of his pocket.

“There they are!” Seokjin calls, and waggles his fingers in greeting at Jeongguk. “Did you get everything on our list, little bunny?”

“Bunny...,” Jeongguk repeats to himself. Honestly, he feels more and more victimised the longer time goes on.

“What is this, then?” Seokjin asks when Jeongguk hands him the bags of groceries, pulling out a container.

“Coffee,” Jeongguk answers, pointing to the label like Seokjin is blind.

“This is...coffee?” Jeongguk. “But it’s already...all  _ ground.” _

“What do you expect? It’s instant coffee.”

“Instant?” a chorus of girls repeat.

“Ah, I know this stuff!” Seokjin turns the tub in his hands. “It’s what poor people drink! You add hot water and you get coffee!” Jeongguk grimaces. He may not be rich, but he’s not in  _ poverty. _

“Sorry I didn’t get your expensive coffee,” Jeongguk grumbles, going to grab the instant coffee back. “I’ll go back and get something better.”

“No, I want to try it.” Seokjin holds up his hand to stop Jeongguk and, in a fit of either drama or bravery, he stands up. “I’m  _ going _ to try it.” And then he holds the coffee in the air. _ “I will drink this coffee!” _ He’s earned a chorus of applause from everyone around him in awe.

Jeongguk half the time wonder if he’s actually alive and in this situation.

“Jeongguk,” he says, and shoves the coffee into his arms, “show us how to make this commoner’s coffee.” Jeongguk sighs and looks at the coffee. If it’ll get Seokjin to shut up, sure.

And so, Jeongguk very carefully, demonstrates how to make  _ ‘commoner’s coffee’ _ by heating up water and pouring it onto measured scoops in tea cups. He goes down the line, internally cringing because everyone is staring at him. It’s a simple task, he doesn’t know why everyone’s so interested.

“Here’s your coffee,” he sighs, holding it out for whoever to take.

“I’m afraid to drink this, honestly,” one girl says. “What if I get in trouble?” And with that comment, Seokjin leans towards her.

“I could always feed you myself, y’know,” he says slyly. The girl doesn’t even have words, it seems, when the crowd yells in adoration.

Jeongguk doesn’t know what it is about Seokjin that’s so great, really. He just seems... _ extra. _

As is the rest of the group, even. The two twins are incredibly extra.

“And so,” Taehyung explains to a couple girls, “we were sleeping pretty well until Jimin just bursts up and starts whining! It was the funniest thing!”

_ “Tae!” _ Jimin yells, and has tears in his eyes - which Jeongguk can’t tell if they’re real or fake - as he taps his fingers together. “I said not to tell anyone that.” Then he, very dramatically, looks away and whispers, “You’re so mean.” Taehyung blinks before he leans in.

“I’m sorry, Jiminie,” he says and tilts Jimin’s face up. “It was just so cute, I had to tell someone.”

“I... It’s okay.”

The girls squeal.

“I can’t tell if they’re related or just...really close friends,” Jeongguk says to himself as he watches the exchange, carrying out his duties or whatever he’s supposed to be doing. Being the Host Club’s servant, admittedly, isn’t very exciting.

Hoseok and Yoongi enter the room as Jeongguk thinks this, with Yoongi, somehow in his short stance, carrying Hoseok on his shoulders.

“Hey, guys,” Hoseok says with a yawn, the girls greeting them both despite Yoongi’s seemingly dissociative attitude. “Sorry we’re late. Yoongi-hyung was finishing some projects and I guess I fell asleep.”

Jeongguk quirks an eyebrow. This kid is really  _ older  _ than him?

“I’m still a little tired, though,” Hoseok sighs, rubbing at his eyes and, for some reason, the girls find that amazing. Seems the two are a pair. Yoongi follows Hoseok around and Hoseok does an impressive amount of aegyo.

“He might look young, but he’s incredibly cunning,” Namjoon pipes up next to Jeongguk, making him jump. Since when did he get there? “And, with Yoongi by his side, it only enhances Hoseok’s attitude with his own strong, silent disposition.” Jeongguk’s just about to ask Namjoon what exactly he’s talking about when he’s cut off by Hoseok’s loud yell.

“Kookie!” Hoseok calls, spinning Jeongguk in a circle and catching him off balance.  _ Kookie? _ “Hey, you hungry? We have some cake!” Jeongguk blinks rapidly and stands there, dazed.

“Not really into cake...,” he says, and Hoseok frowns.

“Maybe you want to hold my stuffed bunny, Hope!” Hoseok suggests, brandishing said orange bunny toy.

“I’m not really into bunnies, either,” Jeongguk decides, and Hoseok frowns more and shoves it into Jeongguk’s face forcefully.

“You don’t like him?” Jeongguk huffs and looks at the bunny. He sighs and purses his lips in thought.

“I guess,” he shrugs, and holds it. “I just was never into cute things when I was younger. Kind of liked video games and stuff.” Hoseok blinks a few times before he smiles anyways.

“Take care of him,” he instructs, and promptly goes off towards a group of girls and starts making faces, Yoongi close behind him.

“Just so you know,” Namjoon speaks again, “Seokjin-hyung is the best around here. The king. A request rate of seventy percent.”

“Jeez...,” Jeongguk frowns. “This is a wild place.” Namjoon looks over.

“And also...,” Namjoon adjusts his glasses, “my family does run the largest army in Korea, so you should think twice before you run away from being our dog.” Jeongguk widens his eyes. “Sorry.  _ Errand runner.” _

“Uh...”

“By the way, you  _ do _ have a passport, don’t you?”

Even if he hadn’t been planning to run away, the sheer fact that he’d have to leave the country made a shiver go down his spine. Namjoon is  _ brutal. _

Seemingly, everyone decides to pop in when Jeongguk leasts expects it, as Seokjin decides to join the conversation.

“It’s a large debt,” he states, and gets close to Jeongguk,  _ “sweetheart.”  _ He blows hot air in Jeongguk’s ear and Jeongguk jumps away.

“God- Don’t do that,” Jeongguk frowns, rubbing at his ear.

“How on Earth do you expect to get any girls looking like that?” Seokjin asks then, gesturing to Jeongguk’s apparently subpar outfit.

“I’m not trying to get girls,” Jeongguk grimaces. Seokjin gasps.

“Ah, but that’s a key element in life! Finding your own true love,  _ wooing _ those who admire you and letting them be victim to your  _ prowess?” _ What is this, a drama? “Ah, but I do understand the struggle.”

“Struggle?”

“Not everyone is born beautiful like me, in  _ and _ out. It’s hard, trying to live like this, a wonderment to everyone’s lives, and not being able to hide my beauty, for no one can  _ resist _ it.” Jeongguk squints at Seokjin.

“Is it that important?” he questions him. “I mean, why should it matter the gender of someone in order to fall in love with them? Don’t you think it matters about who they are, rather than what they look like?” Seokjin tilts his head. Maybe, somehow, Jeongguk’s struck a chord in him.

Yeah, not likely.

In the next moments, Jeongguk watches Seokjin rattle off various things about being polite and wonderful. Like he’s  _ helping  _ Jeongguk in being a better person.

“I don’t know how to describe him,” Jeongguk says aloud. “Maybe... Dumb? Or stupid?” No. “Or... There’s a word to describe people like him.”

“And, furthermore, don’t underestimate what a flying hand kiss can do,” Seokjin states, doing as such, and Jeongguk blinks before he snaps his fingers. “Hm?”

“Got it.” He points at Seokjin. “You’re obnoxious.”

Seokjin seems to pause slightly and his eye twitches before he turns a bit pale and stands up to sit in the corner and sulk.

“Oh, look what you’ve done now,” Taehyung says.

“You broke him,” Jimin adds, and Jeongguk frowns. He hadn’t meant to hurt Seokjin that much. But he didn’t know the boy had such a  _ fragile  _ ego.

“Sorry, Seokjin-ssi,” Jeongguk says simply, and chuckles nervously, “But some of what you said made some sense.” Seokjin stands and turns, fully bright again.

“Really?” he asks hopefully, and Jeongguk regrets opening his mouth.

“Even if you could help Jeongguk,” Taehyung pipes up, “there’s no way they’ll find anyone to woo looking like this.” Jimin and Taehyung turn Jeongguk around and Taehyung tilts his head. “Maybe if we took the glasses off...” And suddenly, Jeongguk can’t see anything.

“Hey, give those back,” Jeongguk frowns. “I can’t see without them, I don’t have contacts. They hurt my eyes.”

There’s a long silence that stretches out before Jeongguk hears someone snap their fingers.

“Tae and Jimin,” Seokjin says, and the two boys’ feet pound on the floor.

“Got it!” they say together, and Jeongguk opens his mouth, because he just  _ knows _ this is going to involve him.

“Wait-” he tries, but there are already hands around his wrists and he’s being dragged out of the room. In the distance, he hears Seokjin order Namjoon to find a hairdresser and Yoongi to find him new glasses.

Jeongguk is unwillingly shoved into a changing area, and both Taehyung and Jimin hold out a red uniform.

“Change into this,” Jimin says.

“You’ll look much better,” Taehyung adds, and he just stands there, blurry visioned, and tilts his head.

“What?” he asks incredulously, because firstly, he didn’t sign up for a makeover, and secondly, he couldn’t pay for the uniform, anyways.

_ “Change!” _ they shout, and lunge for him, starting to prod at his body.

“Alright, alright,  _ alright!” _ Jeongguk shouts, snatching the uniform. “God, I can do it myself!” he starts to remove his sweater and the two watch.

“You don’t...,” Jimin begins.

“...mind that we’re in here?” Taehyung finishes.

“No, not really,” Jeongguk raises an eyebrow. “What is there to hide from you?”

He’s earned curious looks from the two as he changes, and soon, he’s staring at a blurred image of himself in the mirror. At least until Yoongi comes in and hands him a new, better pair of rounded glasses (and how they got his prescription, he doesn’t need or want to know), and then a hairstylist comes in and gives him a well-needed haircut.

He looks...good. Somehow.

“Hey!” Seokjin’s voice shouts from the other side of the curtain. “Come on out!” Jeongguk takes a deep breath and pulls back the curtain.

“You sure I can wear this, Seokjin-ssi?” he asks. “I mean, I can’t really pay for it, can I?” He’s sure the shoes alone cost more than his tuition.

“Ah, you look wonderful!” Seokjin practically coos. “It wouldn’t even matter what your gender is, you could pull  _ anything _ off!” Okay. Bordering on weird territory.

“They could even bring in customers,” Namjoon pipes up, and Jeongguk watches Seokjin light up.

“That’s just what I was thinking of, Namjoon!” What a  _ load _ of bull. Seokjin turns in a circle and makes Jeongguk flinch back with a pointed finger.

“From now on, Jeongguk, you’ll no longer just be our errand runner,” he states, and Jeongguk dreads the next words. “From now on, you’re an  _ official  _ host of the Bangtan Koukou Host Club! And, yours truly shall train you  _ himself!” _

Jeongguk isn’t sure what happens next, but he thinks he faints onto the floor.

 

There are girls sitting with Jeongguk. There are girls asking Jeongguk questions. There are girls fawning over Jeongguk.

In short, there are  _ girls, _ and then there’s  _ Jeongguk. _

Seokjin stated, very clearly, that if he could get a hundred requests in at the Host Club, he didn’t have to pay off the debt for breaking the vase. And you know what? That’s a pretty good deal. Considering the debt itself, he could skirt through hosting with some half-assed performance, and he’d be out of here in  _ no  _ time.

The only problem is, Jeongguk has absolutely no clue how to talk to girls. Girls or boys. Anyone, really. He has no social skills whatsoever.

The girls fire questions off, ranging from his hobbies to what he uses on his skin(?). And he’s completely lost.

What is he supposed to say? Does he lie, does he tell the truth? Does he just flirt with them endlessly?

Then he remembers that he only needs a hundred requests. So he figures out a story to tell.

“Oh, I see,” the girls say as he finishes off his story. “Your mother passed away when you were little.” Jeongguk nods with a small shrug, because, well, it isn’t a lie. But it strikes chords in the girls hearts and that’s what counts.

“Do you have to take care of everything yourself at home?” another pipes up.

“Usually,” Jeongguk nods, biting the inside of his cheek. “I mean, my dad tries, but he’s a little...out of it sometimes. But I usually cook, clean, everything else, while he works.” And Jeongguk keeps going. “My mom used to cook and while she cooked, she used to sing, and she was so good that I always sang with her. She’d try to give me tips on how to make my voice better.” He shoots a smile their way, and he can almost see their brains turn to mush.

“So...,” a girl says, after a silence had passed, “can we request you again? Pretty please?” Ha. Mission  _ accomplished. _

“Of course you can, I would like that,” Jeongguk nods, and he barely gets the words out before he feels eyes on him. He catches Seokjin... _ observing _ him a table over. He attempts to ignore it, however, because he really doesn’t need the egomaniac breathing down his neck and distracting him.

However, it isn’t even five minutes later that he hears the telltale snap of Seokjin’s fingers (a sound he’s gotten used to associating with being needed), and he looks up to see Seokjin smiling over at him.

“Jeongguk, come over here!” he calls, and Jeongguk excuses himself from his own...whatever he calls them, and plods over.

“Yeah?” he says, and Seokjin gestures to a girl (more so a woman) sat to his right.

“This is Ms. Kim Soonjung,” Seokjin introduces. “She’s a regular of mine and I’d just like you to meet her.”

From the start, Jeongguk can already tell that Soonjung does not, in any way, like him. Whether it’s because he’s new, or because the other members of the club have been fawning over him and his hosting skills, he doesn’t know. But what he does know is to seriously  _ not _ blow it and make a scene.

“Nice to meet you,” he says, bowing, because, very clearly, she is higher up than him. By a long shot.

“Oh, my God,” he hears Seokjin say, and he only has about one millisecond to consider running away when he’s pulling into a crushing pair of arms and spun. “You’re wonderful! How do you do it? You’re a  _ natural,  _ you’re beautiful!”

Considering the fact that he cannot breathe  _ at all, _ he attempts to pull himself from the deathgrip. A feat in vain because Seokjin, despite his frame, is really,  _ really _ strong.

“Yoongi-ssi!” Jeongguk shouts when he spots the elder doing practically nothing. “Please help me!”

In even less than a millisecond does Yoongi run over and pluck Jeongguk from Seokjin’s grip like he’s as light as a feather and holds him in place by his chest. He certainly doesn’t miss the look of confusion running across Yoongi’s face before he’s let go.

“Ah, Yoongi, you didn’t have to do that,” Seokjin says, reaching for Jeongguk again. “Let Appa hug you!” Jeongguk cringes at Seokjin referring to himself as his father. Because that is very,  _ very  _ weird.

“I don’t need another dad,” Jeongguk frowns as he dodges Seokjin’s lunges. “Seriously, st- Stop.  _ Please. _ Yoongi-ssi, help me.” Jeongguk takes to hiding behind the slightly shorter elder, with Yoongi obliging and blocking Seokjin from touching Jeongguk again.

 

It’s not a week later that Jeongguk looks out the window and sees all of his personal belongings in the pond near the gardens.

“Who the hell...,” he frowns, furrowing his brows, because honestly, he didn’t think rich kids could stoop as low as damaging someone else’s property. Especially in a school like this one.

It’s when he starts making his way down to said pond that he passes Soonjung on the way.

“Don’t think you’re anything special,” she states, and Jeongguk opens his mouth to say something back to her when she trots off.

Well, so much for a peaceful resolution.

He starts digging through the pond immediately, uniform pants hiked up and shoes and socks off next to the pond’s ledge. He’s found most everything but his wallet and his keys, of which he’s sure are hiding somewhere beneath the lilypads or something. Unless the person who threw his things took those with them, but he doubts that.

“What’re you doing, Jeongguk?” a voice rings out, and Jeongguk manages to look up and see Seokjin standing at the edge watching intently. “Playing in the pond?”

“Well, uh...,” Jeongguk hums, and doesn’t get a chance to finish when Seokjin holds up a wet shirt.

“Your stuff’s all wet, did it fall in here?” And that seems a little better of a story, so Jeongguk plays along.

“Yeah, must’ve fallen out the window or something,” Jeongguk nods, and directs back to the pond. Well, at least until he hears the water slosh and looks to see Seokjin standing off with his pants like Jeongguk’s, hiked up, and his feet bare. “Hey, Seokjin-ssi, it’s alright. You’re just going to get your uniform wet.” He hears Seokjin laugh.

“It’s just water, Guk,” he laughs. “Anyways, I like water. Reminds me of how I’m dripping with good looks.” Jeongguk blinks, just barely missing the pun, before Seokjin stands back up and holds both his wallet and his keys. “This it?”

Seokjin shuffles to where Jeongguk stands and Jeongguk is, for once, mesmerised by Seokjin. Where his ego fades, his kindness shines through, Jeongguk thinks. Behind all of the flirt and hand-kisses and façade of visual beauty is just a  _ guy _ who makes puns and looks out for others.

“Hey, hey,” Seokjin hums, bringing Jeongguk back to reality. “You falling in love with me  _ already?” _ Seokjin leans in with a smirk on his face. “Hm? Are you in love with me yet?” Jeongguk leans away and snatches his wallet from Seokjin’s hand, huffing.

“Yeah, no,” Jeongguk denies. Which is the truth. The thing he wouldn’t care to admit right now is that Seokjin is definitely much more human than Jeongguk thought.

 

“...So I suppose it was just an accident,” Jeongguk finishes telling his story to Soonjung. For whatever reason, she’d requested him. And for whatever reason, he’s sitting with her, alone. And, for whatever freaking reason, he’s telling her the exact thing she had done, mostly because he has his suspicions that it was her.

“That’s horrible,” she comments coolly, sipping on her tea like Jeongguk’s belongings are no big deal. “I’d feel bad too if my things were ruined like that.”

Jeongguk tilts his head and tries to read her face, and all he really sees is just snark and maybe some clear dislike.

“And Seokjin-oppa waded through that pond with you,” she continues. “I’m surprised he helped at all, I mean, you are just a commoner and he is better than you.” Oh. “Just because he’s trying to make your manners better doesn’t mean he likes you, y’know. He’s only being polite like he should be.”

_ Oh. _ Okay.

Now Jeongguk gets it.

“Are you jealous of me?” he asks her immediately, and he sees in her face that, yes, he’s definitely hit the nail on the head. “You are, aren’t you?”

And that’s when she maneuvers the table out of the way, knocks Jeongguk forward, and makes him cage her in on the floor, glass breaking, tea spilling. The works. Plus, she screams.

“How dare you!” she yells. “Someone do something, this  _ dog _ just attacked me!”

_ Wow. _ Petty is as petty does.

And then he gets water poured all over him, (un)thankfully poured by the red-haired duo, Taehyung and Jimin.

“What is wrong with you?” she asks them as Jeongguk pulls off of her quickly and shuffles away.

“Ah, Soonjung,” Seokjin hums as he walks towards them, holding out a hand for her to take. She takes it, playing the card of the victim and even crying real tears.

“Oppa,” she almost sobs out. “You need to do something, Jeongguk just attacked me.”

“I am so...disappointed in you.”

For a moment, Jeongguk had thought Seokjin would completely write him off, and have her weeping in his arms. But there’s his human side Jeongguk had discovered the day before, and somehow, he really knows that Seokjin wouldn’t believe her ploy.

“Jeongguk isn’t that kind of person,” Seokjin tells her firmly. “You threw the bag, and  _ you _ are the bully. And to think that they would ever attack you is beyond me.” Jeongguk blinks from where he’s still sat on the still-wet floor.

“You idiot,” she says quietly, and then yells, “Oppa, you  _ idiot!” _ And then she runs out, dripping wet, this time with actual, emotional tears.

Jeongguk can’t believe that actually happened. And he’s been here for how long?

Not long enough.

“How am I going to punish you, then?” Seokjin wonders aloud, looking at Jeongguk. He then snaps his fingers, “Okay, got it! Your quota for customers is now a  _ thousand!” _

Oh. Because  _ that’s  _ what he wants, a thousand people to cater to by the end of his time at Bangtan.

He’s sure he can reach it. He just doesn’t want to spend any more time in this so-called Host Club than he has to.

“Here,” Namjoon pipes up as Jeongguk is helped to his feet. “This is all we have right now, but at least it’s dry.” Jeongguk takes the bag and peeks inside, and catches a smirk from Namjoon. Little does he know, Jeongguk is privy to  _ all _ clothing.

When he gets to the changing room, he starts to peel off the wet jacket and shirt, the water still slightly dripping. He only just gets to unbuttoning his pants when the curtain opens.

“I brought you some towels...,” is all Seokjin gets out as Jeongguk turns around, completely shirtless, and the towels fall on the floor as the curtain closes.

“Um, Seokjin-ssi?” Jeongguk calls out, but there’s no response.

The only clean uniform, apparently, was a girl’s uniform, a deep green dress with frills, stockings. The works. The thing with Jeongguk is that he honestly doesn’t care about what kinds of clothes he wears as long as he can function in them.

“Um...,” Seokjin’s voice shudders out. “So... You  _ are _ a boy?” Jeongguk pulls back the curtain to meet all the faces of the Host Club.

“Sure, biologically,” he nods. “I mean, it never mattered to me. I didn’t ever pay attention to gender.” He sees all the eyes fall on him in a dress. Admittedly, Seokjin’s face goes incredibly red. “Shouldn’t you pay attention to the person’s personality and attitude, rather than their gender or sex?”

“Well,” Namjoon hums, pursing his lips knowingly, “this is interesting.”

“Definitely,” the red-haired due agrees.

Namjoon knew from the start, Jeongguk can tell. And he assumed the others found out throughout their time together.

But Seokjin is so freaking blind that he actually needed _ physical proof  _ in order to see it.

“However,” Jeongguk shrugs with a small smile, adjusting his glasses on his face, “what you did earlier was pretty awesome. Y’know, the whole confrontation thing.”

He didn’t think a red face could get any more red, but apparently it can.

“I mean, this whole host thing isn’t that bad,” Jeongguk shrugs, walking away from the changing room and cracking his neck, making Seokjin jump at the noise. “I mean, getting fussed over by girls is pretty cool. I guess.” And he laughs and chuckles, “I can just call everyone  _ ‘ssi!’ _ That way, there’s no need to worry about honourifics!”

“Y’know,” Namjoon hums, “readers, this may be the beginnings of a very... _ interesting _ alternate universe love story plotline, don’t you think?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me about Bangtan Koukou Host Club on Twitter and Tumblr @ kingofhearts709 xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me about BTS OHSHC  
> Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kingofhearts709  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/kingofhearts709  
> CuriousCat: https://curiouscat.me/KingOfHearts709


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